(Dad & I when I was born/Me with Madison & Kelsey when they both were at TCU)
Sunday was Father’s Day and it was one of the hardest ones I have had since I became a father. I have been blessed with two beautiful daughters that are now both adults. My oldest daughter got married in December of last year and my youngest just graduated college.
It seems as if every stage of fatherhood is the hardest…….and it is when I am going through it. I remember how hard it was when they were babies and could not express themselves with words….only crying, laughing, or pointing. I anxiously awaited words where we could communicate. Then they learned how to talk and then I wanted silence. I also remember when I could only wait for them to walk …….then they did and then I learned how to keep up with them.
Each phase came with it’s changes, and each phase presented me with new gifts and challenges. It seems to be a distant cousin to “the grass is always greener on the other side.” These were some of my earliest adult learning about being in the present.
Now that both of my daughters are grown up, I am learning a new phase of fatherhood. I am no longer needed to be “daddy will fix your problems”, just as I was getting to be comfortable with that stage. Now we are into adulthood and the paradox is that both Madison and Kelsey are products of what they learned from their mother and me as well as their own life’s lessons and they don’t need me to take of their problems….because they learned from us. I knew this is theory, it is just hard to make this transfer to being a parent to adults.
So once again I find myself at the feet of the universe…..learning, humbled, and grateful. Madison is happily married to Andy and they are doing amazing and Kelsey is off to Australia in September for 8 months or so on an adventure that I have really struggled with letting her go. I realize I have a tight grip on this last stage of fatherhood and I am working on letting go and realizing that I will always be a great father because I care and love them so much and I realize now being a father is not what I do ……. it is also what I don’t do.