The relationship between trust and conflict is very interesting. I think they somewhat go hand in hand. I am not saying they cannot exist without each other, simply they walk side by side.
When I have conflict with someone we are not in agreement about something. Interestingly enough, I have to have enough trust with that person so that I can get close enough where we are together with conflict. Most conflict has enough common ground where I am almost but not quite in agreement. Also when I am in conflict, I care enough about changing to go through the conflict, so I must trust that something good will come out of the conflict.
My girlfriend has always been a proponent that conflict is necessary in relationships. Being a nice guy, I would rather have a “conflict free” world. What I have found is that she is right. When we get sideways with each other and get in conflict and we use our tools to work through it, I always emerge with new thinking and a deeper connection. As much as I hate going through conflict, it is necessary to me to get the deeper relationships I like. So again, my life seems to be a paradox.
What I hate the most almost always gives me the best and deepest gifts. Conflict not only raises great questions that may not otherwise surface, it also opens my mind and most of all it helps me develop trust. When I am in conflict, I get scared that everyone and everything will go away from me and I must lean on my faith and trust in myself and the person I am in conflict with to move through it and come out on the other side.
I have learned to surround myself with people that love me and support me so when I feel that I am hanging by a thread, in the middle of conflict, and can’t figure out what is going on……..I must trust and I must trust conflict.
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