My mother used to have a lot of sayings. One of the sayings that she loved was that you can’t talk and listen at the same time. That always made sense to me…….so I mostly chose to talk.
For most of the people who know me, spent time with me, and have worked with me know that I can be a talker. I love to talk and especially engage in interesting topics. I just don’t talk for talking sake, I usually have something that I think is important to say. If you ask those same people if I am a good listener, they would also tell you yes…..when he wants to be. This skill has not come as easy to me as talking. Learning to listen has come with time as I have been able to realize how much I love being heard, so others must love that also. Also, when I listen I learn.
This past week when I was doing my work on eye patterns, it came up to work on a part of my eye that dealt with…….you got it……listening. This time what listening was referring to was not only not talking but not fixing BY talking. In other words, if I can hold space by listening and witnessing for someone, I can give them the gift of being heard and honoring them to figure out what they need…..not me telling them what I think they need. Some of this work is about my co dependence. If I can give you good suggestions or can fix you (impossible yet I attempt it anyway), then you will love me more. That is what I tell myself. So I am reprogramming that old message.
Talking and fixing is also a way I can be more responsible (good oldest child trait) and if I can fix someone by taking their problems away from them, then here comes more love my way. As my good friend Alan Miller said “What I get when I carry the world on my shoulders is…….sore shoulders.” I love it……so true.
So listening to me now is holding space to honor their space. Fixing is an illusion and on top of that, who really wants other people to fix you? I don’t….even though sometimes I think I do…..what I want is to do it myself so I can learn and experience life. Also, just think the energy that I will save when I don’t have to take on everyone’s issues……wow……that means more time for me. So are you a listener or a talker….or both? I would love to know.